This month’s post is written by Emma Killian, who joins us at LF & Associates as an intern this semester. Emma is about to finish her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology at Gordon College, and we’re sure you’ll agree, she’s got some great ideas to share!
Throughout our lives, we are likely to experience a wide range of challenges, both within and outside of ourselves. There are factors that can help us through these difficult circumstances, and one of them is acceptance. We may experience greater suffering if we are unable to accept challenging aspects of our lives or ourselves. Therefore, understanding what acceptance is and how it can aid us in our healing and growth is crucial for our psychological well-being.
What Acceptance Is
Acceptance is the ability to view a situation for what it is without attempting to deny or change it. When we accept our circumstance, we are acknowledging its presence and the effects it has had on us.
Acceptance means coming to terms with what we are facing as it currently is and not conflating it with our hopes or ideas of how it should be.
Similarly, self-acceptance is the ability to acknowledge ourselves as we are without putting ourselves down or engaging in defensive mechanisms. To fully accept ourselves, it is an essential part of our journey that we accept what we perceive as negative aspects of ourselves.
Because we often tend to avoid what we do not like about our situation or ourselves and to focus on what could be, genuine acceptance can be difficult. It takes time and practice to be able to acknowledge both the good and the bad aspects of a situation without ruminating over or excusing them. However, doing so can bring greater peace and joy to your life.
What Acceptance Is Not
Acceptance is often confused with giving up. It can be easy to assume that accepting a situation means taking the position that “it is what it is” and there is nothing that can be done to change it.
However, this is far from the case. In fact, we cannot begin to take control of our situation without acknowledging the reality of it and the part in it that we play.
When we can understand the reality of our circumstances, we can then separate what is from idealized expectations. From there, we can recognize what we want to change and what is reasonably attainable. Acceptance is not the end goal. Acceptance allows us to make more impactful and fulfilling choices moving forward.
How Does Self-Acceptance Relate to Happiness?
When we have an idealized perspective on our situation, this can actually make it more difficult to face. This can perpetuate suffering and rumination if aspects of the situation are beyond our control.
When we accept a situation and life circumstances for what they are, not only do we feel more at peace with our lives, but we are also able to assess what we have control over. Acknowledging what is factual can give us the motivation to take real steps to modify what can be changed, creating a greater sense of self-control and confidence. Acceptance allows you to realize that there may be aspects of your situation or yourself that are not ideal, but you have the power to make the best of it and to choose how you move forward.
