By Laura Ferrer, PhD
Fostering Contentment
It’s a long-held tradition across cultures and religions to celebrate the new year, as we anticipate the year ahead and look back on the year past. We are invited to reflect on our joys and disappointments, gains and losses, and progress or struggles toward goals. We also have the opportunity to “reset” our intentions for the new year that unfolds before us.
Perhaps you are already working on plans for your health and well-being, relationships, or how you want to spend that precious commodity—free time—in the new year. I wish you well in those endeavors. Today, though, I am writing not about change, growth, or moving toward goals but about finding contentment right where we are.
What does it mean to be content? Contentment is based on an inner spirit of satisfaction, apart from any particular achievements we may have. It is a belief in one’s fundamental worth, or in the value of a moment, apart from what is to come next.
It can feel like a real shift to consider being at ease, satisfied with what is in the moment, without tying the feeling to having earned it through some form of striving. It is tempting to imagine that we’ll be satisfied only when (Insert goal) is achieved. But interviews with people who are successful by society’s standards reflect the fact that contentment isn’t achieved when we reach some arbitrary level of accomplishment, in our careers, our appearance, our grades, or our earnings, because our nature often leads us to want more, to look to the next milestone in the constant quest of life.
The Benefits of Being Content
The benefits of practicing contentment are many, including an increased ability to find peace, or equanimity, apart from our circumstances. Many spiritual leaders have touted the value of contentment. The Apostle Paul famously said “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation“ (Philippians 4:12), which he attributed to his faith. And Gautama Buddha referred to the state of contentment as “the greatest wealth.” Below I offer a few ideas for fostering a practice in your own life.
Simple Ways to Foster Contentment
Turn inward to connect with your breath and your body, allowing yourself to let go for a moment of any to-do’s you have in mind for the day. As you breathe, fully and naturally, try on a mantra like “there is nothing I need to do in this moment.” This is the practice of being vs doing, which is on the path to letting go of a striving mentality.
Take a few minutes to connect with your inner experience, breathing quietly and noticing the state of your body, including any aches and pains, as well as the quality of your thoughts (slow, distracted, racing…), and the tone of your emotions (sad, proud, fearful, silly). This is a mindful body scan, and a key element is that there is nothing for you to do, nothing to fix. It’s only about noticing your experience in the moment and greeting it, as is.
If you’re having trouble finding peace in your current circumstances, try a gratitude exercise. This is simply done, for instance, by naming 3 specific things over the past day that you feel grateful for, or 3 things you are looking forward to in the day to come. It helps to write these down as a way of really noticing them. As you name unique moments you are grateful for (from something as simple as enjoying a warm cup of tea or coffee to something like the hug of a loved one or big news you’d been awaiting), let yourself actually feel the gratitude. Naming things we are grateful for has been found to help people cope in very difficult circumstances. Many researchers, like Robert A. Emmons and Robin Stern (2013), have found that using gratitude practices in therapy helps people focus on what is good in their relationships, and that prosocial activity provides unique pathways to happiness and wellbeing. Gratitude practices also facilitate an appreciation of both the current moment and one’s past.
Instead of focusing on how far you have to go toward certain goals, take some time to name and celebrate how far you have come, over the past 1, 5, or 10 years. This exercise is called the reverse gap, and it fosters appreciation of our efforts, apart from what we’ve achieved, as well as confidence to continue forward.
Go outside and take in nature. Notice how it is constantly changing, beautiful and glorious in many ways, whether or not we are there to notice.
Spend a moment watching an animal or a small child, noticing how they are not apparently thinking about goals or what’s to come, but merely content in the present moment.
As you take on this new year, attending to growth and health in many ways, I hope you enjoy some moments just as you are.