By Miryam Yusufov, PhD
Coping with the Holiday Blues
Recognizing what may be bringing you down this season.
Do you find yourself not feeling as merry as you’d expect during the holidays?
You’re not alone.
Our society portrays a “hallmark”, joyous, perfect version of the holidays: family and friend gatherings, perfect presents, beautiful food, and a winter wonderland.
And while that may be true for a fortunate some, most people actually struggle during the holidays – in varying degrees… and for different reasons.
Holiday-related mental health is a common theme in my practice. As a matter of fact, I once had a client ask to meet with me the day BEFORE and AFTER Thanksgiving. He wanted to cope ahead for the Thanksgiving dinner – and then process it the day after. I’ve also had clients dreading going home for the holidays altogether.
Why do people struggle so much during the holidays?
A holiday gathering with family/friends may represent worry and distress, rather than joy and connection. Perhaps you don’t want to be around your racist uncle, your annoying mother-in-law, and your grandmother asking why you’re not married yet. You might even get questions about why you’re not pregnant yet, which is disturbingly common. For some, coming home for Thanksgiving may be anxiety-provoking if you haven’t come out yet to your family – an unfortunately all too common issue for so many clients. Not surprisingly, anticipation of, or actual family conflict, exacerbates holiday stress.
You might also feel disconnected during the holidays – if you’re far from your social network or if you’re grieving a loss. Experiencing the holiday season without someone you love amplifies the grief.
For clients with body image issues and disordered eating, being around food and drinks – and consistent pressure to eat/drink can be terrifying. They often worry about eating too little (for fear of drawing attention to themselves) – or eating too much.
The financial impact of the holidays can be stressful and even put people into debt. People often stress over finding the perfect gift, assembling decorations, and pouring lots of money into travel, which is typically more expensive during peak season.
People also struggle with the mismatch between idealized portrayals of the holidays and their actual lived experiences. This gap can present feelings of disappointment, loneliness, and failure.
For people with substance use disorder histories, increased availability of alcohol can amplify distress and increase likelihood of relapse, for alcohol and other substances. Feelings of disconnection and stress are also known risk factors for relapse. Or maybe you struggle to be around family members with substance use disorders.
The holiday season can also be exhausting due to attending and hosting events, shopping, and managing schedules. This time of year is also marked by changes in routines, inconsistent school schedules, and work schedule disruptions.
Finally, this time of year is marked by less daylight and colder weather, which can either exacerbate depression symptoms or trigger seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
The holiday season presents unique mental health challenges, typically due to a combination of personal, social/interpersonal, financial, and environmental factors. The gap between the idealized version of the holidays – and your actual experience of them can be brutal. If you have any holiday blues, remember that it’s normal and that you’re not alone. That recognition can be transformative in how you cope and navigate.
